This is for the women who have been told that they are “too much,” and “not enough.” For the women who are too intense, too smart, too talented, too thin, too fat, too tall, too short, too loud, too quiet, too emotional, too serious, too humorous, too energetic, who love too much, care too much, are too much.
It is for the women who, along with hearing they are too much, too intense, too everything — to tone themselves down so that they can fit in, find a partner, make themselves fit into a round hole like everyone else — have heard that they are not enough. Not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not tall enough, not go-out-there and get-it enough.
Be yourself, but not fully yourself. Tone down, but not too much. Play the game, but not too well. Be confident, but not too confident. Take your womanhood and stuff it into a box. Become a woman-man. Become a woman who is more in her Divine Masculine than her Divine Feminine so you can fit in to this patriarchal society. So you can play the game just right. So you can get ahead, not by fully being a woman, but by woman-ing yourself down to wo-man yourself up so that you can be like a man in a man’s world, playing the man’s game.
Don’t be wild, child. Be tame. Be quiet. Be still. Do not be like the ocean tides ebbing and flowing with the waxing and waning of the moon. Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to dance with the moon, with stars in your hair, dirt between your toes, pine needles under your feet, your smooth, soft, silky skin glistening like diamonds in the sun. Do not, under any circumstances embrace the dark, wet, tangled forest that lies within you and between the fold of your legs. Do not run wild, free, or howl with the moon. And, do not listen to the ancient, ancestral wisdom that flows through your very veins.
Oh dear one. Be tame, be still.
It is time to set yourself free. It is time to unlock the wild woman-child from the bonds and chains of the cage she has been placed in, not just in your lifetime, but in the lifetimes of lifetimes before you. It is time to set yourself free and heal not only yourself but the lineage of women that stand behind you, to the times and days when they too danced with the wolves under the light of the moon.
It is time dear sister, my fellow too much, not enough woman, to rise up from the depths of your be-longing, to embrace all that is and all that you are. It is time dear one, to dive into the depths of the dark earth, to allow yourself to meet yourself in the warm, dark, nourishing arms of the Mother. To allow yourself to feel the mycelial network that lies within the darkness connecting all aspects of life, communicating in an instinctual, intuitive way. It is time to join together as One.
It is time dear one to be who you are as you are. It is time dear one to allow yourself to be yourself to be your too much, too intense, too loving, too caring, too emotional, too woman self. It is time to rise up from the dark, nourishing mud, rise up wild-child and set yourself free. Rise up wild-child and embrace the woman you are here to be. Rise up wild-child and set yourself free. Set yourself free. Set yourself free.
Shake off the bonds, the chains, the shackles holding you down, holding you back, holding your ribs so tight. Shake off the bonds, the chains, and allow yourself to experience the ecstasy of being breathed into. Allow yourself to receive the gifts that are yours by Divine Right. Allow yourself dear sister, to toss off your clothes, to shake off all the stories, the perceptions, the beliefs that no longer serve you. Allow yourself dear sister to dance naked under the sun. Allow yourself dear sister to lie upon the earth under the light of the moon in ecstatic rapture. Allow yourself to feel yourself, feel yourself as one, as one with the dark, tangled roots of the forest, sensual, soft, smooth, silky flower petals. Allow yourself to feel yourself to embrace yourself as you are.
Invite the stardust to come down from above and rain upon your hair. Let yourself embrace yourself and howl at the moon. Dip your toes into the dirt, pine-covered ground. Walk gently upon our Mother, singing Her song, the same song that flows within you, flows within your veins.
Allow yourself. Allow yourself to roar with such laughter that the ground shakes like thunder. Allow yourself to cry your tears and water the earth. Allow yourself to feel and embrace the power, powerful purpose, that flows through you. Embrace your Gaia-like, Goddess-like nature and allow yourself to give birth to all that you are. It is time. It is time to stop playing small, to stop being the “too much, not enough” woman. It is time for you to rise up as you are and allow yourself to be all that you are. You, dear one, you are woman rising.
A force that can move mountains. A force that softens rock. A force that moves the ocean tides, billows fire and ash, gives lift under the wings of birds, provides the energy for the creation of Life itself.
Be you. Be wild. Be free. Be that too much woman. Be all that you are, naked and free, with flowers and leaves in your waterfall hair, moss upon stone, heart beat of drum, and welcome yourself home.
There is a certain magic and beauty to not knowing, to not knowing the answers, to not knowing the how, to not knowing what is next other than some seemingly magnificent step or leap into the unknown. There is something quite incredible about it all, really. Just like the wonderful reality of fireflies glowing on a warm summer’s night.
I didn’t always feel this way. I felt quite the opposite for a long time. There were times when the unknown, the uncertain, the most challenging, “turn your world upside down, rock the very foundation you stand upon events,” the “what-ifs,” the “now what’s” and the “how am I’s” left me feeling anxious, ungrounded, crying at times — a mess. Those times when I first got divorced and wondered how on earth I was ever going to raise two boys on my own, where the next meal was going to come from, how or what I was going to do to make ends meet, how I could possibly keep my head about me when both of my boys were seeing specialists at the same time…how, how, how…
It all worked out though. Each and every single time I perceived myself falling, perceived myself panicking mid-flight and feeling like I was about to crash head-first upon the pavement, I survived and everything worked out just fine. Better than fine, most of the time.
As I enter a new phase, a new period of growth, of exploration, of shedding the skin that no longer contains the person that I was-am now becoming, there isn’t much of that “how, how, how” panic do I do this? There is quite the opposite. There is a something, a distinctly feminine, gorgeous amazing, wild-woman rising-up-to-meet-herself something on the horizon like the new moon rising out of the depths of the ocean floor. There is a wildness, a beauty, a deep magical, intuitive trust and knowing, an inner sense, that everything is going to be absolutely, positively amazing — far beyond the “just fine’s.”
Not that long ago, one of my sons said to me,
“Mom you are magic.”
When I asked why he thinks I’m magic, he replied,
“Because, you always find a way.”
I don’t know how I always find a way, but I am always guided to. The path appears before me each and every time, and I choose to listen to the whisper, to the gentle sigh of the wind whispering through the trees to my ears. And, rather than get my feathers all in a ruffle wondering how, I now close my eyes, leap, and trust that these beautiful wings of mine will open and that I will soar upon the currents of the whispering wind into the most wonderful sunset that I have seen to this date. Is it unsettling at times? For sure. If you were jumping out of a perfectly good airplane into who knows what, chances are you’d feel a bit unsettled, a rush of adrenaline, butterflies in the stomach too.
You see? There is magic in letting go. There is magic in the whisper of the wind, in the knowing of not knowing anything about knowing anything at all. And, there is such beauty, such grace, such wild-kind-hearted surrender in the unfurling of ones wings when we choose to stop worrying about the how, trust in the great big nothing, and dance.