It has been years since I have celebrated my birthday. One year, I just stopped celebrating.
I stopped asking people to come celebrate with me. You see, I had realized something. I realized that the majority of friends I have in my local area are not the type to remember my birthday unless I reminded them, or FaceBook sent a little reminder stating “It’s Amanda’s Birthday today!” (which does have its benefits at times). Nor, are they the type to reach out to me and celebrate my being here. It was a big ol’ horse pill to swallow and one that did not go down well at the time. It’s an interesting experience, letting go of expectations and accepting people exactly as they are, then choosing what it is you want to do.
Upon piercing the veil of illusions – the veils of friendship, the veils of celebrations, the veils of everything I was seeing around me and not participating in when it came to birthdays, celebrations, etc – I stopped. I walked away from my birthday and my celebrating the day I arrived here on this flying spaceship, living planet called Gaia/Earth. The day I decided to make my grand entrance onto this planet and into this world. The day where I fully chose to be here now and give this human experience another go-round.
I stopped and I walked away from myself.
Last week, I decided it was high time for me to welcome myself home again, to celebrate my birth, my choice to be in-bodied in this incredible avatar here in this day and age.
I choose to take this remarkable day to honor who I am, the incredible growth over the year, the ups and downs, the times when I cried for days feeling my pain, the times when my heart burst with so much love, and gratitude, and beauty, that tears fell from my eyes, the times when I laughed so hard that my belly and face hurt from laughing so much…the times when I saw myself reflected in another…
to intentionally pause, see, witness, and embrace the woman I have become and am becoming. I choose to take this day of my birth to love myself in ways I have not given myself permission to in the past.
On this day, I choose to celebrate the cycles of my own birth-death-birth/live-death-live processes.
I choose to be present with myself and my connection to all life, celebrating, in my own way, the parts of myself that have died over the years, the skin that I have shed, the letting go of who I have thought I needed to be or should be, so that I could step into who I am and behold myself as one would a new born. I am so very much looking forward to seeing myself and welcoming myself home.
In welcoming myself home, I am un-baking myself a cake and loading it up with all sorts of goodies to fortify and amplify my health and well-being. It’s my wish to share with you my raw, vegan, superfood chocolate cheesecake.
Raw, Vegan, Superfood Chocolate Cheesecake
Basic cheesecake recipe adapted from Chocolate Covered Katie
2 1/2c raw cashews (soaked)
1 TB vanilla bean paste or extract
1/2c pure maple syrup
1/4c plus 1 TB melted coconut oil
juice of 3 lemons
1/4c living, spring water
1/8 tsp Celtic sea salt
1/2c raw cacao powder
1 TB schisandra berry powder
1 TB lycium powder
Optional: frozen berries or dried, candied orange slices to top
Makes 1 cheesecake, or 4 cheese-tartlettes
Soak the cashews 4-6 hours or overnight. Strain well. In a high-powdered blender, or food processor, combine all of the ingredients (except for the optional ones and anything you are putting on top), and blend until smooth.
Pour into either a spring-foam pan, a pie pan, or small tart pans. You could use muffin tins as well. I recommend lining any and all of the above with parchment paper.
Place into the freezer and freeze until ready to eat. Thaw for ~15 min. prior to serving and top with your favorite toppings.
I wasn’t going to share this video, this poem, with all of you. I am not concerned or afraid about experiencing whatever thoughts, feelings, and opinions you may feel inclined to project my way. I actually really enjoy sharing my raw vulnerability with you!
Upon watching myself on video, I caught myself stepping into a trap of sorts that I have fallen into many times. I’ll share what the trap was in an upcoming video and how I made a conscious decision to very quickly change course and get out of it.
Sometimes I feel more than I can handle.
Sometimes I feel too raw, too real, too vulnerable.
Watch the video for the full poem.
I hope that my sharing my raw vulnerability with you inspires you to get in touch with yourself and to plant yourself in the soil of your belonging. You are not alone on this journey, fellow travelers. Although it may certainly not feel like it at times, it is a blessing to feel everything so deeply, so rawly, so at the heart and core of your beingness.
I recently shared a photo of a green drink I’ve been incorporating into my biology on a daily basis. Many of you asked “what’s in it?”. I’m excited to share with you the incredible recipe that has numerous health benefits, including:
- building the blood and yin
- harmonizing the liver
- lubricating the intestines
- beautifies the skin
- reducing heat and moistening dryness
- aiding digestion
- assisting with heavy metal removal
- immune enhancing activity
- balancing blood sugar imbalances
Serves 1. All ingredients are organic unless otherwise noted.
2 granny smith apples
1-2″ piece of ginger
1/3 – 1/2 bunch of red kale
1 c. chopped pineapple
1 TB chlorella powder
- Juice the apples, ginger, and kale.
- Place in a blender: the juice, avocado, pineapple, and chlorella powder.
- Blend until smooth.
- Enjoy. To aid digestion, assimilation, and absorption, chew the smoothie (or swish it around your mouth a few times) before swallowing.
In today’s vlog, I share with you one of my favorite superfoods to make – raw cacao!
Check it out below, let me know what you think, and share both the video and recipe with anyone you know who loves chocolate.
Ingredients (all organic and/or raw):
1 c. cacao butter
1 c. cacao powder
1/2 c. maple syrup
1 TB maca powder
2 tsp. lucuma powder
1 tsp. vanilla powder
Himalayan sea salt
1.5 TB bee pollen
1-2 tsp dried lavender
1. Melt the cacao butter in a double boiler over low heat.
2. Turn the heat off. Add cacao powder. Stir.
3. Add maple syrup. Stir.
4. Add vanilla powder, maca, lucuma and a pinch or two of sea salt. Stir.
5. Pour mixture into a container or chocolate molds.
6. Sprinkle bee pollen, lavender, and 1 pinch sea salt on top of the chocolate.
7. Place in the fridge to cool and set…the freezer if you really can’t wait. Then, when it’s solid, enjoy!
After sharing conversations with friends, clients, a dear soul sister, and recently stepping into a different level of raw vulnerability myself, I have noticed a few things.
It’s uncomfortable being vulnerable. It can be really uncomfortable and somewhat unsettling opening yourself up, baring your heart and soul to another, acting courageously in the face of fear and shame, and letting go of any control we may have over the outcome of sharing our vulnerable selves.
I have realized that in a society where it is considered taboo to be physically naked and vulnerable, how uncomfortable people are and can be when they are physically naked, despite being able to put on clothes and cover themselves up, that I found myself wondering how then, can we allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable? And, what would it take to step into the waters of emotional vulnerability where you will be seen and there is no place to hide?
How can we, when as a society we cover our physicality up with fear and shame, invite ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable? To allow ourselves to bare our vulnerably authentic hearts when, once we do, there are no clothes to put on, there is nothing to hide behind? Once we open up and share what parts of us believe to be the most vulnerable aspects of self, we are there, present, open, incredibly beautiful in this state of raw vulnerability.
With each step I take along this path and with each shared story, shared vulnerability, I’m realizing more and more the depth of heart, the courage, the compassion, the willingness to connect, the willingness to realize within ourselves that we are enough as we are, and we are alive, is nothing short of mind-blowingly awe-inspiring.
I’m incredibly grateful for each and every moment of being witness to others’ vulnerabilities and beautiful openings. And, I’m incredibly grateful for each uncomfortable moment I step into and share my vulnerabilities (there are many). Life is a wild and crazy ride, why not join the party and get naked with your soul.
I highly recommend checking out this TedTalk by Brene Brown on the Power of Vulnerability.